I have now reached the ripe old age of 69. Used to be a good number but now it doesn’t have anywhere near the meaning to me and is actually a little depressing!
The reason I am writing these stories is so that Alden my new grandson has something to remember me by when I am gone. I was never a father to my son Jason from the time he was born. So I have deep regrets about it. I know I blew it with him growing up and have no way to change that.
I can only try to be a better person in what little time I have left considering each year goes by in the blink of an eye now. Knowing who I was then I truly believe it worked out best for Jason. I am just glad that his Mom and Perry were such good influences on him. I truly owe them a debt of gratitude for being there for him and guiding him along the way. They did an amazing job of raising him.
He has turned out to be everything I wasn’t. In my eyes a very amazing individual. I am very proud of him even if I wasn’t a part of it. I really have made a mess of my life till now.
Although the theme of the 70’s was peace and love. It was also about free love, drugs, rock and roll and rebellion against all values of the past. Unfortunately I took the bad side of that coin and went with it.
It is really sad that it takes some people like me so many years to realize that we went down the wrong highway in life. The thing of it is once we have chosen the path we are going to take in life it is very hard to change it along the way.
You get caught up in the security of making money and surviving as best you can with what you know. Once you have put so much time in one direction. It is hard to abandon it and choose another direction even if you know the one you have chosen is wrong.
I spent all my life living and working on the road. Traveling from place to place with a bunch of hardened construction workers who only saw home once in a great while. It is not exactly conducive to a family type of environment.
Your environment becomes the bars after work and the partying till late in the night. Night after night after night. I did try my hand at many different businesses and although I was able to make a living it was nowhere near what I could make on the road. So of course I always gave up on the businesses and went back to work for the big companies that paid the most.
I have to say that I did get to see many beautiful places in the USA that I never would have otherwise. It also gave me what I have today to be able to enjoy the freedom I now have.
The problem with it was it destroyed all my relationships in the process and in my mind everything else I ended up with. It all seemed so hollow in the end. In those years it was all about Dave and I didn’t take the time to consider anyone else’s feelings in the process.
Stupid but I am very guilty of it and sorry for having done it. Unfortunately it took me 60 something years of my life to figure out what I really have wanted in life. I now believe I am on the right path unfortunately I don’t have a long life left to live it. The only thing I have to say for myself is better late than never!!!
Jason now has his greatest gift in life his new son Alden and his beautifully sweet wife Chris. They are the perfect trio in my book not that I am biased or anything. He will be everything to Alden that I wasn’t to him.
I am just glad that he has accepted me as I am all these years! Learning a lesson in life is a very hard thing sometimes but I do believe I have finally learned it. I want Alden to understand who I have become in my old age not what I did when I was young and foolish.
Now that I am in a better place in my mind and life. I am just trying to leave these good memories of who I am now behind for him to see.
I got started on this path early this morning and could not let it go. I spent the night before and the whole early morning walk thinking about it! Sometimes it helps to put it in writing and get it behind you!
I hope if nothing else this inspires him to get out and see the WORLD there is so much to learn out there!!! Most of the cents I have now are passed hand to hand in the market if that makes any cents to you! I don’t know where I am going or what I am doing next. But I do know I will be going somewhere and doing something!!! LIFE IS GOOD Dave